Once again, June brings us another guest commentary on something entirely different than the previous month. This month features another College Humor and former BoobNewb columnist by the name of James Girvin who will discuss with us his keys to being lazy and curing some summertime boredom.
College Do’s and Do Not’s
So it’s summer vacation now for those of us who go to college, which means one thing: boredom. Actually, it means one other thing, too – we survived. Yup, we made it through another semester at school without any major tragedy. Chances are, this is mainly because we follow a set of unwritten rules in order to make it in college. These rules are unwritten because, as college kids, we are either too lazy or too illiterate to put them down onto paper. For once, though, I have decided to put down just a sampling of this college code for any incoming freshmen who need some advice as to how to live a semester away from home.
So, without further ado, here is a quick list of some of college’s dos and don’ts:
1. Do: Special Olympics. My suitemates and I have decided that, in order to bring some excitement to our room, we should hold weekly Olympic Games. Our inaugural event was the “who could take the most poos in a week,” which didn’t fail to bring out crappy performances in everyone. My one roommate, Conor, had 19 in one week, officially shat-tering the rest of the competition. Hahaha holy crap, a pun! Haha oh man, another one! Haha….oh wait, that last one wasn’t a pun.
2. Do Not: Do laundry more than once a week. Don’t be that guy who is always taking up seven washers and dryers every time I go to wash my one stack. It’s like he’s Ron Jeremy with the amount of loads he can knock off in one session. Learn to be resourceful (a.k.a. A dirtbag) and make the most out of your clothes. One tried-and-true method is the ol’ “flip the underwear inside out and wear them again.” The one downside to this tactic is that it tends to scare off girls…but, seriously, that’s not a bad thing. If you were to meet a girl who thinks it’s a good idea, and you two got married, your kids would be crawling around with crap on the outside of their diapers.
3. Do Not: Light your room on fire. This may seem like an obvious rule, but I’m serious. The other night I was reheating an eggroll in our toaster oven and – to make a long story about as long, but not quite – it caught on fire. Luckily I was able to put it out before any fire alarms went off. I guess that was the one bright side to come out of that whole ordeal. Well, that, and the fire.
4. Do: Wear sandals in the shower. On the outside chance you didn’t know, the showerhead shoots water out of it not so it can help you wash the soap off your body. No, instead its primary use in college is to (A) wake up your passed out friend as he is laying in the tub or (B) wash away the puke and piss after your passed out roommate spends the night in the shower. Not wearing sandals while taking a shower is like neglecting to bring a parachute when skydiving.
5. Thou Shall Not Kill. Oh my bad. I’m getting this article mixed up with my theology essay.
6. Don’t: Drink. Haha wow that was the best joke I’ve made so far. This is one of the few times you will actually hear me support anyone or anything named Busch.
That’s all. To be honest, that’s all I really feel like writing right now, which really displays the number one governing body in college: laziness. In fact I’m so lazy, I don’t think I’m going to fini…
(You can read more of James over at collegehumor.com)
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