Our next article on lazy athletes looks at the sport of professional hockey. There isn’t a tougher sport than the National Hockey League. Players routinely get smashed into the boards, lose a couple of teeth, get a cut that requires stitches and then head right back to the bench to continue playing. Some fans have called hockey players ‘Modern day gladiators’. When you have a lazy hockey player, you know that this athlete isn’t going to be well-liked in the locker room when so many other players are losing blood and having bruises and scars all over their bodies in order to win the game for their team. Let’s take a look at some of these lazy athletes…

-It’s never a good sign for a professional athlete when reporters at training camp make bets with each other on how many pounds you gained in the off season. Even though Dustin Byflugien has always been a big heavy set, the weight issue really became a problem when he became a member of the Winnipeg Jets franchise. He was a decent role player for the Chicago Blackhawks and had a great playoffs which helped the Blackhawks win their first Stanley Cup in over 50 years. Unfortunately, cap considerations made it difficult for the team to retain key players and many role players were traded in order to be below the league’s cap ceiling. Byflugien was traded and went from a new hockey powerhouse to a new franchise that had just been bought and moved from Atlanta, Georgia where he barely even played a season. It’s pretty hard to get motivated going from a cup favorite to an expansion franchise.

The team that he plays for doesn’t even know what position he should play. Management thinks that he’s a liability on defense (because he’s too slow and fat) and would rather see him play up front and use his body to stand in front of the goalie and help the team score more goals. In 2011, Byfuglien was arrested on Lake Minnetonka and booked on suspicion of boating while intoxicated. Byfuglien pleaded guilty, and was sentenced to two days of community service. In court, Byfuglien appeared overweight and borderline obese. When asked about his youth, Byfuglien replied ‘Who wanted to go to work, right? I knew I wasn’t going to do that for my life. I was a kid. I didn’t want to get up for work. Yeah, he dragged me there, but I went and slept somewhere else when I got to work.’ Yes, spoken like a true lazy fat ass. His agent, Ben Hankinson, recalls talking with then-Hawks brass Bob Pulford and Mike Smith about Byfuglien. They expressed concerns about his attitude. After having a big game in the playoffs, his agent replied ‘The biggest danger is they woke up a sleeping giant’. The key for most NHL players is to simply let him sleep and go right around him since he’s out of shape and fat. His teammates don’t call him ‘Big Buff’ for no reason.

-It’s hard to put one of the greatest scorers on the lazy list but that is exactly the case with Alexander Ovechkin. Ovechkin gets on more hot/cold streaks than an ice pack. Alex Ovechkin isn’t having fun playing hockey anymore, and it’s affecting both his game and the Washington Capitals. Once lauded for his style of play, Ovechkin has become a lightning rod for criticism from the national media as NBC’s Mike Milbury, Pierre McGuire, Keith Jones and CBC’s P.J. Stock have taken their turn blasting his performance. Some commentators who once said Ovechkin played with passion now say he’s lazy. During the playoffs and end of the regular season, Dale Hunter had the Washington Capitals captain nailed to the bench whenever the Caps had a narrow lead. Ovechkin can scores but many have questioned his defensive game and his unwillingness to backcheck and only wanting to play an up-tempo game with the focus being on scoring goals. In addition, an unflattering photo of Ovechkin circulated on the Internet showing a belly that suggested he was enjoying the summer months a little too much during the off season. A little less Xbox and cars for Ovi and a little more effort in the defensive zone.

-Sergei Kostitsyn was an amazing Junior hockey player. His 91 assists led the CHL and broke the London Knights franchise record of 89 set in 1972–73 by Dennis Ververgaert. He signed a pro-tryout contract with the Montreal Canadians who had his brother Andrei as a member of their team. He was assigned to the Habs minor-league affiliate, ‘Hamilton Bulldogs’ before he was eventually called up by the habs. His inconsistent effort led him to be demoted back to the minors several times. He announced that he would not report to Hamilton and even asked to be traded. He was then suspended by the team. He finally reported to Hamilton but left the team after five games and was consequently suspended a second time by the Canadiens. He was recalled back up to the big club but was cut from the Habs when coach Jacques Martin told the player to stay off the ice for the morning practice. Can you say locker room cancer? He was traded to the Nashville Predators but his wacky antics continued in Nashville. In a game against the Edmonton Oilers, Sergei quit on the play, and went to the Nashville bench on a change at the absolute worst time to do so which lead Oiler Sam Gagner to enter the Predators’ zone on a 2-on-1 and score to give the Oilers the lead. Sergei’s coach, Barry Trotz, couldn’t explain the situation either. ‘I can’t give you a logical explanation for an illogical event. He didn’t recognize the situation’ he said. Never fear Sergei. His exile in Nashville didn’t last long and the next season both him and his brother were back in Russia playing in the KHL.

-Dustin Penner has had a difficult run of luck after winning a cup with the Anaheim Ducks. He was viewed as an elite power forward and was so much in-demand that the Edmonton Oilers made an offer sheet for the winger which Anaheim didn’t match and started a media feud between GMs Kevin Lowe and Brian Burke. In Edmonton, he quickly became lazy and coach Craig MacTavish chided him for being out of shape. Penner was a good, not great, player for the Oilers, and one that about a third of the fanbase could not in any way tolerate for stylistic reasons: he looked lazy on the ice. He was traded to the LA Kings and the bashing continued for the power forward. This is what coach Terry Murray had to say shortly after Penner had been acquired. ‘I don’t think it’s a matter of the wind. I think he’s a heavier guy than what he should be. He’s a big body, and I’d like to get him to be a little leaner and I think that’s going to really improve his hockey game with a greater level of intensity and keeping the pace and tempo of play.’ In other words… He’s fat, slow and lazy. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the man became an instant lazy classic when he got injured while eating pancakes. He suffered an injury while eating a stack of delicious pancakes as he hurt his back while reaching down to put his fork into his food. Kings GM, Dean Lombardi, was beginning to lose faith in Penner and compared the man to a rec league softball player. ‘Dustin is at the crossroads of his career,’ Lombardi wrote in an email to Sporting News.’ He can choose to use his athletic ability to either become a dominant power forward in the National Hockey League or be a dominant number four hitter for the El Cid Lounge in a men’s softball league — the choice is his.’

Even Anaheim Ducks winger, Teemu Selanne, wrote about his former teammate on his blog. ‘A funny story about Dustin Penner. A little bit lazy guy who had to be treated a bit harshly. Carlyle pestered him the whole year, so much that I was worried could Dustin take it. Carlyle repeated several times the phrase “******’n Penner, ******’n Penner”. After the season Dustin laughed to us that he was beginning to suspect his first name was actually ****’n’. It’s never a good sign when your coach uses the F word to call your name every day. Penner also might be lazy in the marriage department. Penner’s marriage to wife Jessica Welch became TMZ fodder after the couple announced their divorce and allegations of infidelity spread about Penner. This is Welch’s second marriage to an NHL hockey player and Penner should have taken that as a warning sign about a potential gold digger. Penner is still in the NHL and signed as a free agent with the Anaheim Ducks in the summer and was reunited with Teemu Selanne again (and no more Carlyle yelling at him to boot).

-Alex Kovalev helped to define a term that has made every Russian hockey player look bad no matter how good they play. That term is LRS (Lazy Russian Syndrome). It’s a term often used to describe a Russian hockey player who lacks a certain passion for the game and is only playing the game for a paycheck. Kovalev is one of the most enigmatic players to have played the game. The New York Rangers would not have won game 6 and would not have gone on to win the 1994 Stanley Cup without Kovalev. He’s one of the most purely talented players of his era but always left you asking if he could do more with those skills. He had multiple stints with the Pittsburgh Penguins and also played for the Montreal Canadians, Ottawa Senators and Florida Panthers. The perplexing thing about him is that there were also too many nights where he didn’t show off those skills, or he didn’t use them as effectively as he could have. Many people felt that he underachieved. At times, watching Alex Kovalev was frustrating for fans, media, coaches, and fellow teammates. His unwillingness to use his line mates and his attempts to beat the other team with individual efforts were not smart hockey plays.

He will best be remembered for a blunder in Game 4 of the 2004 NHL Playoff series that led to Glen Murray’s Overtime winner and cost the Habs the game. He got slashed by a Bruin and shook his hand in pain only to leave the puck on the ice and give Glen Murray a breakaway and the game winner. During his time in Ottawa, Kovalev didn’t like the fact that the coach would cut back his power-play time, or stick him on the fourth line, or leave him on the bench when the Senators threw out an extra attacker looking for the equalizer late in the game. He felt insulted. When he was re-acquired by the Penguins and didn’t perform well, Kovalev explained that his ‘style’ didn’t mesh with Penguins coach Dan Bylsma. Bylsma went on to win the award for coach of the year. The thing that Kovalev didn’t like was that Bylsma demanded accountability from all his players and that didn’t mesh well with Kovalev. The ironic part is that Kovalev was given the opportunity to make his own training and workout video as a member of the Montreal Canadians. Kovalev is now retired and has put his skills to use by getting his pilot’s license to fly small aircraft.

-We’ve yet to see the case that can be made where a player faked being lazy in order to get out of his contract. Alex Radulov was a very talented player who was a member of the Nashville Predators. The NHL owners went into a lockout situation with the NHL union representing the players and the entire NHL season was cancelled. During this time, Radulov returned to Russia to play in the KHL. It turns out that playing in his homeland rekindled his love for his native country and he didn’t want to return to the NHL when the lockout ended. Unfortunately, Radulov was still under contract and was suspended by the team. However, the Predators convinced Radulov to come back and play for them. Radulov did just that but played some of the most uninspiring and lazy hockey of his career. During the playoffs, both him and teammate Andrei Kostitsyn were suspended for breaking team curfew and partying late at night. If you can’t psych yourself up to give 100% in the playoffs than you’re a real lazy and selfish player. Radulov didn’t care and came back to help burn off the remaining year on his contract. He would return to sign a big lucrative contract in Russia with CSKA of the KHL.

This wraps up our article on the NHL’s laziest players. We move onward with another article on players from a sport where it’s acceptable to sit in a dugout and spit sunflowers each day. We’re talking about the laziest Major League Baseball players next…

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