In our final article on lazy athletes, we take a look at lazy athletes outside of the big four major North American sports leagues and focus on athletes that compete in global competitions such as the Olympics, international football and golf and also look at some athletes from some rising sports such as MMA. It’s hard to believe that an athlete can afford to be lazy in a sport like MMA when one momentary time-lapse can cost you the fight and some brain damage. Therefore, we finish off our lazy athlete special by going global…


Roy Nelson



—I welcome being fat.—

-Roy Nelson is an American mixed martial artist who competes in the heavyweight division of the Ultimate Fighting Championship and won season 10 of Spike TV’s ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ reality program. Many athletes think that Nelson isn’t a true fighter when they first take a look at the guy. Upon viewing Nelson from the sidelines, Rashad Evans said ‘He doesn’t look like he’s in shape, and he’s got two knee braces on. I’m like, this dude is sloppy, and his legs must be shot.’ Even Dana White, UFC’s commander-in-chief, just wishes he’d take things a little more seriously when it came to his training and preparation. ‘Who knows what Roy Nelson could really achieve if he applied himself’ White responded when asked by a reporter about Nelson competing in other weight divisions. Most fans have called Nelson a fat slob who won’t win a title in the UFC because he’s fat, has no muscle and does very little cardio. Nelson doesn’t care when fans assume he’s just a fat guy. He actually welcomes it. This would all work out well if Nelson would prove his detractors wrong. The problem is that he’s lost his last few fights in horrible fashion and has looked slow and out of breath – All signs of poor cardio. The solution to not working out is being lazy and not trying hard enough to prepare for fights in order to win. His diet of a cheeseburger and fries isn’t helping him to beat his opponents any longer. Nelson will need to drop the ‘Fat Fighter’ gimmick, stop eating junk food, and start getting in shape in order to win his next upcoming bout before he gets cut by UFC management.


John Daly



—I might be an alcoholic but I’m not lazy folks.—

-John Daly is an American professional golfer on the PGA Tour who is known for his colorful golfing uniforms and his partying lifestyle. It’s no secret that John Daly’s play hard, party harder lifestyle has overshadowed the heavy-hitters skills on the course. Daly has had a longtime struggle with alcohol abuse and was once held overnight in a North Carolina jail after passing out at a Hooters restaurant. In March 2008, Daly’s swing coach Butch Harmon quit, saying that ‘the most important thing in his life is getting drunk.’ In addition to alcohol abuse, Daly had gambling issues with gambling losses of over 50 million $ over a 15 year span. Daly is even lazy while on the golf course. At Pebble beach, Daly was too lazy to head over to the nearest bathroom facility and decided to take a leak right in the bushes and he played a shirtless round in Missouri for a local TV crew, which became a YouTube hit. Even more disturbing, is the fact that Daly has walked off several golf courses because of his poor play. It’s one thing to suck on the job but it’s even lazier to quit midway through a golf round and simply be disqualified by event organizers. Daly has managed to survive on the tour thanks in part to his miraculous golfing swing. Daly has a powerful swing but hasn’t concentrated on improving the rest of his game since he last won the British Open in 1995. Fans still love the guy because he’s a down to earth fellow and supports many charities. Let’s hope that he improves his overall golf game.


Bode Miller



—I was almost too lazy to skip the Olympics.—

-It’s rare to think of an Olympic athlete as being lazy. Olympic athletes need to spend four years training hard so that they can spend a once in a lifetime opportunity to try and compete and earn a shot at wining a medal. Bode Miller was an alpine skier who was expected to be the toast of the 2006 Olympics in Turin, Italy. Miller ranted against the public’s fascination with Olympic medal counts and threatened to not show up at the games. Miller confessed during a few interviews that winning wasn’t exactly his top priority and that he had competed in plenty of races completely ‘wasted’ over the years. Eventually, Miller did show up but failed to medal in any event. Miller received negative coverage in the American and international media. Editorials focused on his attitude of simply not caring about the Olympics or about his performance. Many have speculated on why Miller failed to follow-up on his historic World Cup Overall title from the year before. Many pointed to a lack of motivation. Miller says it was never a goal of his to try to repeat as overall champion. His coach has frequently been at odds with Miller over the years about issues ranging from conditioning to late-night drinking to race strategy. He continued by saying that Bode’s own problems are a blessing in disguise to his own teammates by not following the same path that Miller has been on. His coach said ‘You know what? He’s just so out there. I ain’t (going to mess) with that’ when asked what the young skiers think of Miller’s antics. Miller’s cleaned up his act in recent years and has performed well on the world stage. He’s hoping to win several medals at the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. Still, Miller’s lazy performance and antics at the 2006 Winter Olympics will go down as one of the biggest Olympic busts in the history of the Olympic games.


Ronaldinho



—I got rich and stopped caring…So what?!—

-It’s easy to forget that between 2005-2007, Ronaldinho was comfortably the best footballer on the planet. He won the FIFA World Player of the Year award in 2004 and 2005. With Barcelona, he won the UEFA Champions League in 2006 and the Ballon d’Or in 2005. A Spanish daily printed a photo of a sweat-drenched Ronaldinho in training with FC Barcelona, and suggested that the player’s inactivity had led to weight gain. It was the second time within a year that the Brazilian’s weight had been a topic of discussion in Spain. New Barcelona head coach Pep Guardiola wanted his side to play with a high intensity. A strong work rate was a huge part of his philosophy and the Brazilian was seen by many as a lazy defensive player. The Spaniard also felt his young stars could be negatively influenced by a senior, party-loving player like Ronaldinho. Infamous pictures of a less-than-svelte Ronaldinho swamped the pages of the newspapers and the internet, visually demonstrating his penchant for Barcelona’s nightlife. He was swiftly given the boot off the team. By early 2011, (After a brief stint with AC Milan in Serie A) he was back playing in Brazil, joining Flamengo on a three-year deal. Flamengo management believed that Ronaldinho wasn’t committed to the club, accusing him of being lazy in training sessions and frequently flooding his body with alcohol. The guy was even too lazy to avoid drinking a soda from a rival company. Ronaldinho lost a lucrative Coca-Cola sponsorship deal for sipping a Pepsi. The soda giant was enraged that the 32-year-old Brazilian took a sip from a can of arch rival Pepsi at a recent news conference. It’s a remarkable fall from grace for a player once considered the best in the world at football. There’s still some chance at redemption as Ronaldinho’s country (Brazil) is hosting the World Cup in 2014 and Ronaldinho has a chance at making the country’s roster at the midfielder position.


Kimbo Slice



—Street fighting is the lazy man’s MMA.—

-Kimbo Slice became famous for street fights which were spread across the Internet. In 2003, he began his career in unsanctioned street fights which were distributed through the internet on YouTube. Kimbo took an interest in MMA and got marketing and promotion help with ‘Elite XC’ where he won several professional fights and became the company’s main star. Kimbo was scheduled to fight Ken Shamrock in a much-hyped up television event for Elite XC but Ken had to pull out the night of the card after he cut his eye training for the fight. Eventually, Seth Petruzelli agreed to step out of his fight against Aaron Rosa and battle Slice. When Kimbo Slice fought Seth Petruzelli, fans thought it would be an easy win for the ‘Youtube Sensation’. Petruzelli pounced on his opponent and pounded away from a dominant position until referee Troy Waugh had no choice but to call the fight. While Petruzelli ran around the cage freaking out over his win, Slice was so out of it that he attempted a takedown on the referee. Elite XC never promoted another event and the company folded shortly afterwards because of financial issues.

Kimbo was invited to take part in the UFC reality show ‘Ultimate Fighter’. In his first fight of the show, Kimbo was defeated by Roy Nelson via TKO stoppage in the second round after repeated punches to the head in the crucifix position. He would fight on two more UFC shows before getting released by the organization. Kimbo said he wanted to do boxing instead of MMA because ‘its easier’. In Slice’s debut fight, Both men were completely gassed in the first round but Kimbo managed to win via TKO. Most of Slice’s boxing fights have been against low-level professionals and have helped to give Slice easy victories. Kimbo was lazy to believe that he could compete at a high level in MMA and boxing. He’s viewed as a corrupting force in MMA that has already done damage to the sport’s integrity and will probably do more by the time he washes out of the fight business. There’s a place for him to fight other individuals but not at an elite level against top-tiered opponents. We can’t deny his passion for trying out something new but he was simply unqualified and didn’t want to put in the cardio or training that was necessary to avoid looking sluggish and out of breath in the cage.


Tonya Harding



—I’m not lazy. I’m just white trash.—

-Tonya Harding is an American figure skating champion. Harding’s early career was plagued by lazy incidents. Skating magazine reported that at ‘Skate America’ in 1991, she was stranded in heavy traffic just before her event was scheduled to begin and had to hitch a ride with people who drove her backwards through traffic to the arena. At the 1992 Olympic Winter Games, Harding arrived so late for the competition that her performance was affected by jet lag. Harding became notorious in conjunction with the attack on her competitor Nancy Kerrigan. Harding’s ex-husband and her bodyguard hired an individual to break Kerrigan’s right leg so that she would be unable to skate. The injury forced her to withdraw from the national championship. Harding won that event, and they were both selected for the 1994 Olympic team. Harding finished in eighth place after stopping to complain of a broken skate lace and Kerrigan went on to win the silver medal. You must be pretty lazy if you try to injure your opponents before you can even compete against them. Shortly after the 1994 Olympics, Harding pled guilty to hindering the prosecution in the case. She served three years’ probation, was fined $160,000 and lost membership in the U.S. Figure Skating Association. Her ex-husband, Jeff Gillooly, plead guilty to racketeering and served two years in prison. Shawn Eckardt, Derrick Smith and Shane Stant plead guilty to conspiracy to commit second-degree assault and served 18-month prison sentences. Harding tried several quick-money lazy schemes to cash-in on her notoriety. Harding had a celebrity sex tape that was released following the incident and she dabbled in celebrity/professional boxing and professional wrestling after her figure skating career ended. In true lazy fashion, she still hasn’t gotten around to acknowledging that she knew about the Kerrigan attack before the incident occurred. What a lazy bum.

Thanks for reading. We will wait patiently as athletes become unraveled and get on the fast track to being lazy. And when they do…they’ll get the attention that they deserve in our laziness archives.

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