BoobNewb’s Swimming Pool Spectacular

Summer time is just about wrapping up and for many people that means swimming time is just about over. We’ve been trying to write an article about swimming pools for sometime now but we never really had a clue what we would discuss in relation to swimming pools. We don’t consider ourselves swimming pool experts and some of us can barely swim. Heck,most of the time we just lie down on a floaty and suck down some refreshments while catching some sun. We decided to look up on google any facts or data that we could find to help our readers better understand the (insert big word here) of swimming pools and here’s some of the evidence that we’ve compiled for those of you that want to buy or are thinking of buying swimming pools:

1. Swimming pools contain water

-You would have thought that this would be a no brainer but lots of the pools that we took a look at had no water in them which led us to say “what’s up with that?”

2. Swimming pools must be maintained with chlorine or salt

-Most people use chlorine to make sure their water doesn’t turn green and nasty. Apparently, you can now use salt too. We don’t know which is worse. Chlorine was used by the Nazis. Nazis=bad. Salt makes french fries taste good; but have you ever put salt into water and tasted it? Yucko.

3. Pools can include above-ground and in-ground pools

-We took a look at both types of pools and thought that in-ground pools looked way cooler than above ground pools. That was until we took a look at the price for each type of pool. There can be as much as a 10 000$ difference in price between each type of pool. Suddenly, the bathroom tub is looking sweeter by the day.

4. You can buy a product that will change the color of the water when someone pees in your pool

-If this isn’t a good reason to buy a pool then I don’t know what is. You could just invite your friends over for a pool party then once everybody’s in the pool scream “Hey! Someone just pissed in the pool!” and watch as your friends stare at each other nervously the rest of the party trying to figure out who was the one that did it. Also, if you had your own pool, you wouldn’t have to worry about some 2 year old pissing or taking a dump in your pool. We’ve all been to public pools before and trust me there isn’t a day that goes by without some little kid taking a number 2 in the shallow end.

5. Pools are good for lazy people who want exercise

-We don’t care what kind of a pool it is you own but if you throw a 500 pound man into a swimming pool and let him enjoy himself-30 minutes later he’ll think he’s an Olympic gold metal-winning triathlete. The water is great for fat people because the water helps you to move around and also takes the tension away from sore muscles or for people with arthritis. It’s for this reason that god created belly flopping contests.

6. You get to imitate Michael Phelps

-When you finally own your own pool, you get to try the same swimming maneuvers like the butterfly or the front stroke and think to yourself how easy these maneuvers are in only a few feet of water. This will make you feel good that you too can become an Olympic athlete to which you say to yourself “Suck on that Phelpsy boy!”

7. Pools have bubble jets!

-Pools have these wicked strong jets that help to circulate the water. They also help to create great foot and back massages and other types of massages for some people. Hey,some people are lonely,don’t judge them. Heck,one dude got his wee-wee stuck in one of those once and needed to have the police and fire department come over and try to get his thingy out of the socket once. It can happen to anyone.

8. Pools make a great distraction for poor people who can’t afford vacations

-Pools can be landscaped to the point where your backyard looks like a tropical paradise. Who needs to go to the Dominican Republic or the Bahamas when you can have your very own paradise in your backyard. You can buy a couple of palm trees and then pretend what a great time you’re having while your neighbor vacations it up at some club med somewhere.

9. More pool means less grass

-Mowing the lawn is one of the most tedious activities that you can possibly imagine. The bigger the pool that you own, the less grass that you’ll need to cut later. That is, of course, unless you buy one of those John Deere tractor types of mowers then right on brother!

10. Pool companies and their buildings suck

-Why is it that whenever you go to check out some swimming pools they always look nicer then the one you have in your own home? Here’s a lesson to the manager of a pool store. If you don’t want people swimming in your exhibition pools then don’t make them so inviting-looking and have them filled up with water. Otherwise, you’re just asking for someone like us to jump into your pools on a hot summer day to try them out and give them our own seal of approval. It’s not our fault that you make them so nice looking that we couldn’t resist ourselves.That about sums up our pool spectacular. Did you learn anything new about swimming pools? Yeah, we thought you wouldn’t. That is why we leave you with some pictures of swimming pools that you will probably never own or if you do own one – will never have the money to landscape around it anyways. And for the few that do have the ability to do this to their homes; well screw you. Oh, and why aren’t you in your bundle of joy sipping on mojitos rather than reading this crappy article?

—Wow,Nice looking pool/pond hybrid. Apparently these are the pools of the future because they’re environmentally friendly. It still just looks like a pond to me.—

—This is some hotel pool. Some great recreational activities in this pool include volleyball, basketball or any sport that involves a ball. If hotel staff get angry at you – recommend that they don’t build a pool off the side of a building —

—This would be a great pool if you wanted to run a drug cartel, launder lots of money and pretend that you are Al Pacino in the film ‘Scarface’.—

—This is one nice looking suburban pool. All that’s missing is the golden retriever, the stepford wife, two obnoxious little kids running around playing soccer and a pool boy named Julio to come and service it once a week.—

—Now we’re talking. If you don’t blow your money on Quiznos or bus passes you might actually be able to afford one of these types of pools in your lifetime.—

Image source:

gartenART Natural Swimming Pools
Gadling.com
anthony sylvan.com
Golden Fantasy Mansions
Northwest Wholesale
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