Rod Burgundy is a character that actor Will Ferrell portrays in the 2004 comedic film ‘Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy’. Burgundy is a popular local anchorman for KVWN-TV Channel 4 Evening News in San Diego. His position as lead anchor gets taken over by a woman named Veronica Corningstone and Burgundy is soon fired for accidentally misreading a teleprompter and telling all of San Diego to ‘Go Fuck Themselves’ instead of his usual send off of him saying ‘Stay Classy San Diego’. Burgundy and his male buddies at the station soon help to reclaim his position and Corningstone and Burgundy become lovers for the second time and go on to become co-anchors at World News Center. Burgundy has many memorable quotes during the film. He is often portrayed as sexist towards women but also has many memorable words of wisdom which he often shares with his best friend and dog – baxter. Here is one of his many quotes towards his dog in the film…

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Slava Pastuk is a comedic writer based out of Toronto. He has written several articles for Crave Online and Collegehumor and has written a free comedy e book available online for free. You can read more of his work over at slavap.com

Inner Monologue of a First-Time Stoner

Every time a group of men under the age of 25 gathers for long periods of time, you can bet your last two cents that one of them (probably you) will be smoking weed. Whether it’s a road trip, a concert, or a day spent playing Halo 3, someone is eventually going to bust out the green. Most of your group is used to this, but there’s always the odd time a fresh face appears who may not be as chronic-minded as the rest of you, so you, being the good host (and horrible corrupt person) that you are, decide to let the newbie take a hit of the bong, just so he doesn’t feel left out. What you don’t know is that you are about to set him up for one of the worst skull-fucks he could ever imagine. The following is exactly what’s going through his mind as he smokes weed for the first time. “I can’t believe I’m gonna go through with this, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. You only live once, right? Huh, I thought it would look more like those leaves I’ve seen on Dr. Dre albums; this stuff just looks like little nuggets. It looks like plant shit. Okay so how does this work? I just suck until I get it all in my throat? Haha…that’s what she said. Make a note to tell that to the guys. They don’t seem amused by my witty observations, their loss. Alright so I just light it and suck….HOLY SHIT!!! That tastes like ass. Seriously guys, that actually may be the most foul thing I’ve inhaled since I visited my grandpa. I’m choking!! Why can’t I stop coughing? Is it possible to actually cough up a lung? This shit has been nothing but trouble, I don’t see the appeal… and why is everyone laughing at me…Okay so is this it? Am I high?

I feel the exact same, nothing’s spinning, no hallucinations. Maybe I’m just immune to it, like some kind of weird superhero. Did I just refer to myself as a superhero? Maybe I’m high, but I feel don’t any different. Wait what the fuck, did I just mix up ‘feel’ and ‘don’t’ in my mind? Ask if someone heard you. Dammit of course not, it was in my mind. Damn you, mind. “Hey look, it’s Zeus! The Gods always did have an eye for good weed, right?”I’m looking at my hands and honestly I can’t tell what all the fuss is about, they’re just hands, with little fingers. Why would anyone trip out to something so simple?Now nails…nails are trippy shit; it’s like finger armor. Holy shit look at that stucco ceiling, it’s got like faces in it. Look, there’s Zeus right by the corner. Right there! Shit I lost him, maybe if I squint…I should say something, I’ve been quiet for like 20 minutes looking at this ceiling. ‘Woah dude, I’m high.’ Seriously, that’s the best you could do? Who are you, Keanu Reeves? Woah dude’? Step your game up!

Now everyone’s laughing at you again. I’m hungry. Was I hungry before or am I hungry because of the weed?
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Delocated is an American television series which premiered February 12, 2009 on Adult Swim. It features a man named Jon who is in the witness protection program and is trying to be killed by a Russian mob family. He uproots his family from the suburbs to New York City and has a reality tv film crew following his every move. As a result, Jon and his family must wear ski masks and have a voice modulator installed to conceal their voice from the public. The show is filmed in a similar fashion to the program ‘The Office’ and features no laugh track. Jon is the main character of the show and is often viewed as being arrogant, horny and full of himself. Even though his life is often in danger, he prefers to hook up with chicks, do stand up comedy and eat submarine sandwiches. Here is Jon giving us a quick thought on how big his balls are…

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Epic Meal Time is a cooking program on youtube that involves extreme amounts of meat and alcohol in every episode. The show made its debut on October 2010 and releases a new episode once a week. The show has had several celebrities make appearances on the show such as Tony Hawk, Lights and Deadmau5. They are currently signed with Revision3 – an internet-based television network and are in the process of making a pilot episode for the G4 television network. Each episode features host Harley Morenstein describing how epic each meal creation will be and how many calories each meal will total through the use of profanity and hip-hop slang. A large portion of each meal usually contains some form of meat (especially bacon strips) but has also contained other weird food items such as candy, kraft dinner or Jack Daniel’s whiskey. Morenstein ends each episode with his ‘Next time’ line, telling viewers what the group will eat next time, which is usually random and completely irrelevant to the show. One episode features Harley telling the audience what will happen after biting into one of their meals…

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The video game industry is a billion dollar business. For every great video game, there are 10 bad ones that are left sitting on store shelves or are tossed into the bargain bin and are never to be heard from again. The way in which we interact with video games has drastically changed as well. The old method of buying video games was to simply head on over to your local retailer, purchase the game, pop the cartridge or disc into your machine and begin to play the game. Nowadays, games have become more complicated with larger instruction manuals and the game aren’t ever really finished thanks to new updates from developers. Some new innovations such as the internet have allowed gamers to try and beat each other’s high scores or allow them to play against each other in competitive battlegrounds. Other new video game trends have  not been as kind and are only increasing the frustrations and anxiety of video game users to the point of an almost certain backlash. Here, we take a look at a few bad gaming trends that we hope are modified for the better or are completely annihilated in the near future.

-The first bad trend on our list is an obvious choice to any person that has ever played a video game before. A linear game forces gamers to follow only one path when trying to finish a video game. Some examples might include invisible walls where gamers see an interesting area on a map but aren’t allowed to go and explore that area since the video game developers didn’t make that area an active part of the map and don’t want the video game developer to venture off from the task that they’re supposed to complete. Video game testers are often left shaking their heads when they need to write down about being stuck in a glitched wall or can’t explore a part of the world that is inaccessible to them. It can be very frustrating when a user has difficulty trying to find something in a game that is obvious to the developers but isn’t as clear for the user. We are proud to say that many video game developers are trying to open worlds up  that will allow you to explore different parts of the game without being punished if you go offtrack a bit. Still, this is an issue that pops up year after year and can be quite frustrating for a gamer and take them out of the experience of the game.
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