Charlie Sheen is an American film and television actor. He is best known for his roles in the films ‘Platoon’, ‘Major League’, ‘Hot Shots!’ and ‘Wall Street’ and for his CBS sitcom ‘Two and a Half Men’ who’s character Charlie Harper is loosely based around Charlie’s own social life. Sheen was born Carlos Irwin Estevez and grew up in New York City. His family moved to Santa Monica, California after his father (actor Martin Sheen) had finished up with a successful play on Broadway. Charlie would be expelled from high school just before graduation because of poor attendance and grades and decided to try his hand at acting like his father. He changed his last name to Sheen like his dad who had changed his last name to Sheen in honor of the Catholic Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. Sheen’s first role came in 1984 in the teen cold war drama ‘Red Dawn’ which starred Patrick Swayze. He would then go on to do several popular films as noted above before returning to television in 2000 to replace actor Michael J. Fox in the last two seasons of the sitcom ‘Spin City’. Sheen would then get his own sitcom which became Emmy nominated and gave Sheen the distinction of becoming Hollywood’s highest paid television actor by earning 1.2 million $ per episode.

Sheen’s social life has been a complete disaster compared to his film and television career. He has battled with cocaine and alcohol abuse and has been divorced 3 times with one of his ex-wives leaving him because of his ‘violent and abusive nature’. Sheen is a frequent proprietor of hookers and prostitutes and has dated several adult film actresses including ginger lynn and Bree Olsen just to name a few. In 2011, he was dismissed from his television contract with CBS and Warner Bros. and accused creator Chuck Lorre of being a turd, a clown and calling him by his Jewish name ‘Haim Levine’. After his release, Charlie went on to do a comedy tour entitled ‘My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Death is Not an Option’ . Charlie would do some stand up and have his goddesses (two girlfriends at the same time) come up on stage and tease the audience. The tour got mixed to negative reviews. In many interviews, Charlie would come up with crazy insults and catchphrases to those that opposed his views on life and having fun. He would repeatedly be asked if he was high while the interviews were being conducted or if he was still abusing cocaine or alcohol. When asked if he was on drugs; Charlie came up with this quote which we provide for you for the month of April…

“I am on a drug – it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.” – Charlie Sheen

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Since It’s March, we thought we’d do our quote of the month based around the NCAA basketball tournament otherwise known as ‘March Madness’. And who better to be our quote of the month then College basketball commentator Dick Vitale. Dick began his professional coaching career in 1971 as an assistant coach with Rutgers University. He got his first head coaching gig with the University of Detroit in 1973. He would bring the team to the NCAA tournament with his team going on a long winning streak but ultimately not winning the championship. After 4 years as head coach; Vitale would be named athletic director of the University. In 1978-79, he became the head coach of the Detroit Pistons in the NBA but was fired a few games into the second season and would finish with a losing record as an NBA head coach. He would join the cable channel ESPN as a commentator in the hopes of getting another coaching gig but ended up staying on TV and has been commentating on college basketball for ESPN for the last 30 years. Vitale has also written 9 books about professional basketball and has had his likeness and audio commentary used for EA Sport’s NCAA Football franchise. Vitale is good at getting his catchphrases into college basketball games and often using the words money! or baby! together in a sentence. Here is one of his quotes from a random college basketball game…

“[This game] is over. It is time to warm up the bus, baby!” – Dick Vitale

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‘They Live’ is a 1988 Science-Fiction/Horror movie that was directed and written by John Carpenter under the pseudonym Frank Armitage. The plot revolves around a bunch of aliens who have mixed in with the elite of society and are able to hide their identities with the help of a television transmitter that is able to conceal who they really are to the public. The main protagonist is played by professional wrestler and actor Roddy Piper who finds a pair of dark sunglasses and is able to see the aliens for who they really are and discovers that the aliens are stealing earth’s resources for their own personal gain.The quote which is about to be displayed is often attributed to the video game franchise ‘Duke Nukem’ who’s character uses the same catchphrase but don’t be fooled as this film uses the original quote and not some video game copycat. In one scene, Piper’s character (George Nada) is surrounded by the aliens in a bank and has nowhere to hide. Nada then takes out his shotgun and says the film’s best quote which is…

“I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum.” – George Nada

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Nick Kroll is a stand up comedian and writer who has appeared in shows such as ‘Best Week Ever’ , ‘Cavemen’ and ‘Sit Down, Shut Up’ and was a contributing writer for Comedy Central’s ‘Chappelle’s Show’. In addition, Kroll has had a successful book published entitled ‘Bar Mitzvah Disco’ which he co-authored with Jules Shell and Roger Bennett that showcases over 30 photographs of Bar Mitzvahs since the 1970s with funny commentaries thrown in for each photograph that depicts different rituals during the Bar Mitzvah tradition. In 2008, he supported comedian Aziz Ansari on his Glow in the Dark comedy tour that went across the USA. Kroll’s comedy routine often features a variety of characters that Kroll has created that are mingled in with Kroll’s stand up routine throughout his shows. One of Kroll’s more popular characters is named Bobby Bottleservice who is described on his twitter feed as a ‘businessman’ and ‘entrepreneur’. The character likes to party at clubs and wear tight shirts and shades and was featured on HBO’s ‘Funny or Die Presents’ as trying to win an audition to be on MTV’s Jersey Shore. Kroll was given his first Comedy Central stand up special in January entitled “Thank You Very Cool’ where he showcases some of his characters such as El Chupacabra, Bobby Bottleservice, Fabrice, Fabrice and others. In this quote, Kroll uses his Bobby Bottleservice character to discuss in scientific terms what an earthquake is…

“For those of you who don’t know, an earthquake is, like sciencely speaking, is like a platonic shift. So that’s like when one part of the earth is like “Oh, let’s just be friends!” and the other part of the earth is like “No, I bought you dinner, let’s do this!”

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Reno 911! is a comedic television mockumentary that ran on Comedy Central from 2003-2009. It’s a spoof of reality crime shows such as ‘Cops’ and other reality television programs. The show was produced as a last minute replacement pilot for Fox Television but wasn’t picked up and was moved to Comedy Central 2 years later. The script is mainly improvised which has allowed the actors plenty of time to improve their portrayals of the characters that they play on the show. A typical episode would begin with the police officers being given their morning briefing by Lieutenant Jim Dangle and then forming teams of two as they patrol the city of Reno, Nevada looking for thieves, prostitutes, child molesters and drug peddlers. The show was produced in Reno, Nevada with other production being done in Oregon. In 2008, half of the cast of the show was changed after a writer’s strike forced the cancellation of most scripted television programs. The television program spawned a movie entitled Reno 911! – Miami which grossed over 10.4 million $. In this quote (from the film Reno 911!-Miami), the film crew follows Lieutenant Jim Dangle and Deputy Travis Junior as Travis describes to Jim what a wonderful dream he just woke up from not realizing the problem that might arise from having this dream at this particular moment in time…

“Deputy Travis Junior: I just had the weirdest dream Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You know youre driving, right? [hits a porto-potty] Lieutenant Jim Dangle: [looking back] Noone was in it.”

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