Just because athletes are doing physical things all day long doesn’t mean that they can’t stop for a moment to deliver a funny quote or two. The commentators can also get into the thick of things and not even realize what they just said as well. So with that being said; let’s take a look at our first bunch of hilarious quotes straight from the world of sports.

[Gene Klein]-“In basketball, the first person to touch the ball shoots it. Either that or the coach carefully diagrams a set play and then the first player to touch it shoots it.”

[Kevin Keegan]-“I’ll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again.”

[Jeremy Roenick After a playoff game in which the Blackhawks claimed that they deserved a penalty shot against Colorado, goalie Patrick Roy declares that Roenick would not have been able to score anyway. The Blackhawks forward replies:]-“I wonder where he was in the 3rd game (won 4-3 in overtime by Chicago). He was probably busy adjusting his jock strap when I beat him.”

[ Bill The Spaceman’ Lee]-“You have only two hemispheres in your brain – a left and a right side. The left side controls the right side of your body and the right controls the left half. It’s a fact. Therefore, left-handers are the only people in their right minds.”

[Charles ‘Casey’ Stengel]-“There’s three things you can do in a baseball game – you can win, you can lose, or it can rain.”

[New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season]:”I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

[Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:] “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my fucking clothes.”

[Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece:] “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”

[Jacques Plante]-“How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo? ”

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Systm is an innovator in a relatively untapped new entertainment field. It’s a concept that has floated around the internet for a while but only until recently has it been able to reach its true potential. We’re talking about the world of internet television where you can create your very own independent television programming. It’s becoming clear to see that broadband connections are increasing amongst households and the speeds of cable/dsl are increasing slightly each year.

In 2002, Cky released the Infiltrate.Destroy.Rebuild LP and were about to go on tour with the newly formed Guns and Roses but the tour quickly fizzled and Cky were left without a chance to showcase their talents. Recently bassist Vern Zaborowski left the group but the group went onward with a new album (An Answer Can be Found) that will be released in the summer of 2005. Cky won’t need Bam this time around for any promotion as the band and the films have already developed a huge cult following and their new album should help them gain some well inspired mainstream attention from the media and the music industry and hopefully will be a breakout band in 2005.you can see more of Cky and download their latest single over at http://www.islandrecords.com/cky/

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Once again, June brings us another guest commentary on something entirely different than the previous month. This month features another College Humor and former BoobNewb columnist by the name of James Girvin who will discuss with us his keys to being lazy and curing some summertime boredom.

College Do’s and Do Not’s

So it’s summer vacation now for those of us who go to college, which means one thing: boredom. Actually, it means one other thing, too – we survived. Yup, we made it through another semester at school without any major tragedy. Chances are, this is mainly because we follow a set of unwritten rules in order to make it in college. These rules are unwritten because, as college kids, we are either too lazy or too illiterate to put them down onto paper. For once, though, I have decided to put down just a sampling of this college code for any incoming freshmen who need some advice as to how to live a semester away from home.

So, without further ado, here is a quick list of some of college’s dos and don’ts:

1. Do: Special Olympics. My suitemates and I have decided that, in order to bring some excitement to our room, we should hold weekly Olympic Games. Our inaugural event was the “who could take the most poos in a week,” which didn’t fail to bring out crappy performances in everyone. My one roommate, Conor, had 19 in one week, officially shat-tering the rest of the competition. Hahaha holy crap, a pun! Haha oh man, another one! Haha….oh wait, that last one wasn’t a pun.

2. Do Not: Do laundry more than once a week. Don’t be that guy who is always taking up seven washers and dryers every time I go to wash my one stack. It’s like he’s Ron Jeremy with the amount of loads he can knock off in one session. Learn to be resourceful (a.k.a. A dirtbag) and make the most out of your clothes. One tried-and-true method is the ol’ “flip the underwear inside out and wear them again.” The one downside to this tactic is that it tends to scare off girls…but, seriously, that’s not a bad thing. If you were to meet a girl who thinks it’s a good idea, and you two got married, your kids would be crawling around with crap on the outside of their diapers.

3. Do Not: Light your room on fire. This may seem like an obvious rule, but I’m serious. The other night I was reheating an eggroll in our toaster oven and – to make a long story about as long, but not quite – it caught on fire. Luckily I was able to put it out before any fire alarms went off. I guess that was the one bright side to come out of that whole ordeal. Well, that, and the fire.

4. Do: Wear sandals in the shower. On the outside chance you didn’t know, the showerhead shoots water out of it not so it can help you wash the soap off your body. No, instead its primary use in college is to (A) wake up your passed out friend as he is laying in the tub or (B) wash away the puke and piss after your passed out roommate spends the night in the shower. Not wearing sandals while taking a shower is like neglecting to bring a parachute when skydiving.

5. Thou Shall Not Kill. Oh my bad. I’m getting this article mixed up with my theology essay.

6. Don’t: Drink. Haha wow that was the best joke I’ve made so far. This is one of the few times you will actually hear me support anyone or anything named Busch.

That’s all. To be honest, that’s all I really feel like writing right now, which really displays the number one governing body in college: laziness. In fact I’m so lazy, I don’t think I’m going to fini…

(You can read more of James over at collegehumor.com)

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More and more people are getting angry at the way fast food chains promote bad eating habits.That’s why a bunch of alternative fast food chains have opened up shop recently to try and take a bite out of McDonald’s and the like. One of the ones that caught my eye recently is a new chain called ‘Cereality’, which is a fast food chain based on cereals. They offer cereals with both cold and warm milk and offer over 12 brand name cereals to choose from. You are allowed to mix two cereals at a time as well as one topping of your choice.Cereality offers every type of topping to choose from including simple things like dried blueberries or more outrageous stuff like pop rocks. They also offer different types of milk including soy or lactose-free milk if you want an alternative to skim, 2% or whole milk. They even offer a new twist on the colour of milk with the use of Cereality’s own flavour crystals that allow someone to change the colour of their milk to different colours such as red or blue.

In the mood for something other than cereal?Cereality provides s’mores and oatmeal brownies as well as their very own oatmeal twist on parfaits. Do you want something to drink? Cereality offers their own version of a smoothie with the ever so cute name of a ‘Slurreality’. Slurrealities offer a concoction of strawberries, bananas, yogurt, OJ and bran cereal. Cereality also offers their own version of a bowl to make sure that your cereal stays where it’s supposed to with their own milk tight concept of a plastic container.

At select locations, they also offer an invent-a-blend kiosk that let’s you practice mixing up a new version of cereal as well as pay for your meal and retain your customer purchase on their database for future reference. A basic meal consisting of two scoops of cereal,flavour and milk will cost you about 4$. Currently there are only two cereality locations in the United States with a third location set to open soon in Chicago. If successful, Cereality will be coming to a mall, train or subway station near you.

Click here for a CBS News report on Cereality:

http://cereality.com/TheNews.wmv

(go to www.cereality.com for more information)

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