We here at BoobNewb have decided to throw ourselves our own Super Sweet 16 Party at the advice of some producers from some music channel which we cannot name. Is this site 16 years old already? No. But after watching a few episodes of the show, we think that there is a lack of originality by only showing rich and spoiled little girls and boys. What about average people like us? Don’t we deserve our own sweet 16 party as well? Well, we decided to stage our own Super Sweet 16 Party BoobNewb Style with absolutely no budget to speak of and here’s what went down….

6:00 am: Like I said, we have no budget. So if you need to plan a party you need to wake the fuck up early.

8:00 am: Finally get out of bed. We here wake up at 6:00 am and then sleep in for another 2 hrs.

9:00 am: Ok, time to start planning this party. Every party needs a location. Since we have no money, we’ve narrowed the choices down to a few locations. The house, the YMCA, the neighbor’s house when they’re on vacation or not home and finally the park. Now out of these choices; we were rejected by quite a few people. The neighbors were home so that was out of the question. The YMCA wanted us to become members first so we said no to that. The mall security escorted us out quietly after we mentioned what we were up to. The park closed too early for us to be able to party. That left us with my house. That wouldn’t fly either although we were allowed to use my garage. Sweet. Jackpot! Ok, so my house’s garage it is. (more…)

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At BoobNewb, we often get confused as being an adult entertainment website with our title confusing young would-be perverts of thinking that our site deals exclusively in some way with boobs. We understand the confusion and the anger that 12 year old boys and 40 year old men who still live in their parents basement get when they waste 5 seconds of their time on our website without seeing any boobies.Therefore, we have come up with a solution that will at least give this small demographic of our website a few small seconds of joy. We have come up with an idea for a new porno website that we are pitching to all the major studios in the hope that it catches on like a fat kid on a cupcake and becomes an extra source of revenue to help keep the monkey out of my closet. Here’s our website proposal:

A boobnewb porn site would begin in much the same way that anything else begins with on this here website: having polite conversations and eating Doritos. The idea of this site would be to have famous well endowed pornstars make challenges to random passer bys, in an old fashioned “slap to the face”, to defend the passer by’s girlfriend’s honor by facing our well hung pornstar to a cock fight. The winner gets to engage in relations with the girlfriend (staged girlfriend of course who would obviously be a pornstar as well).

The rules would be pretty much like fencing where you must jab at your opponent with your own erect penis and the matches would be a best 2 out of 3 falls to declare a winner. Also, there will be a referee to make sure that there is no foul play such as tripping or shoving and to ensure fair play amongst the contestants. To ensure that the contestants’ weapons stay erect; there will be 2 “ring girls” on the sidelines to ensure that the contestants are good to go after each round. The contestants must tie their hands behind their backs so only their penises would be able to make any contact. (more…)

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We like to think that our site has become pretty popular over the years and deserves some recognition by the entertainment community. Therefore, we have come up with a plan to get famous people to endorse our website. The problem with this plan is that after a lengthy scouting mission, the best we could come up with was 0 people. Actually, we did manage to find some celebrities but Carrot Top and a Mr. T. impersonator don’t count. But if we could get celebrities or other famous people to endorse our website, we think it would go a little something like this:

Donald Trump: This site is going to huuuuuge! Huuuuge I tell ya with a capital H.

Dane Cook: Me and this website are going to make sweet sweet love tonight.

Hulk Hogan: You know something Mene Gene, I went to this website brother, and it was called BoobNewb brother, and i said to myself not even my 24 inch pythons could handle the madness that was this website. It pinned me 1-2-3 brother! I want a rematch BoobNewb! (more…)

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Once in a while we find ourselves with an amazing actor/actress that worked hard to climb up into the ranks of celebrity status. On the other end, it seems that if anybody in your family is famous, this somehow gives a family member the impression that they can be famous too. Over the past few years, it seems like this trend of actors/actresses joining Hollywood’s elite because of their mommys/daddys has gotten way out of control.

I appreciate that sometimes an audience grows attached to a specific celebrity and when they pass away or retire their siblings take over the roles that they played earlier and that the audience feels comfortable without having to deal with change. Unfortunately, too many celebrity families are trying to build billion dollar empires through their families and are misguided in the fact that their super-human gene talents may have not passed down to every single family member.

With this being said, I will admit that once in a while a family member does surprise me and may in fact do a better job then their ancestors. But for every needle in a haystack there’s an overpopulation of crap that the audience shouldn’t have to deal with and should exit Hollywood as soon as possible.

Ashlee Simpson

Not to be mistaken with any Simpson cartoon character, Ashlee Simpson has got to go. I don’t know which part of her is sadder. The fact that she’s only famous because of her sister Jessica or because her album was #1 on the charts even after she flat-out lip-synched on live tv. I don’t much care for Jessica either but at least she can hit a tune. The saddest part is seeing her father/manager pimp her out to every little show that he can get a time slot for her whereas more deserving artists are left without a gig to show for themselves. I’m making a plea to the 12-18 year old girls with disposable income out in the world: Please use your money on someone with some musical talent.

Melissa Rivers

Her mommy might be the butt of jokes every week because of her plastic surgery but at least she managed to get her own talk show and become a steady entertainer in the world of tv tabloids. Melissa on the other hand leached on to her mommy and managed to get a gig with the E! Entertainment network and has been able to sit comfortably interviewing celebrities for the longest while. I think almost any human being with half a brain can do that job for a living but did it have to go to daughter of a celebrity- I don’t think so.
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Systm is an innovator in a relatively untapped new entertainment field. It’s a concept that has floated around the internet for a while but only until recently has it been able to reach its true potential. We’re talking about the world of internet television where you can create your very own independent television programming. It’s becoming clear to see that broadband connections are increasing amongst households and the speeds of cable/dsl are increasing slightly each year.