Archive for the Sports Category



In our final article on lazy athletes, we take a look at lazy athletes outside of the big four major North American sports leagues and focus on athletes that compete in global competitions such as the Olympics, international football and golf and also look at some athletes from some rising sports such as MMA. It’s hard to believe that an athlete can afford to be lazy in a sport like MMA when one momentary time-lapse can cost you the fight and some brain damage. Therefore, we finish off our lazy athlete special by going global…


Roy Nelson



—I welcome being fat.—

-Roy Nelson is an American mixed martial artist who competes in the heavyweight division of the Ultimate Fighting Championship and won season 10 of Spike TV’s ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ reality program. Many athletes think that Nelson isn’t a true fighter when they first take a look at the guy. Upon viewing Nelson from the sidelines, Rashad Evans said ‘He doesn’t look like he’s in shape, and he’s got two knee braces on. I’m like, this dude is sloppy, and his legs must be shot.’ Even Dana White, UFC’s commander-in-chief, just wishes he’d take things a little more seriously when it came to his training and preparation. ‘Who knows what Roy Nelson could really achieve if he applied himself’ White responded when asked by a reporter about Nelson competing in other weight divisions. Most fans have called Nelson a fat slob who won’t win a title in the UFC because he’s fat, has no muscle and does very little cardio. Nelson doesn’t care when fans assume he’s just a fat guy. He actually welcomes it. This would all work out well if Nelson would prove his detractors wrong. The problem is that he’s lost his last few fights in horrible fashion and has looked slow and out of breath - All signs of poor cardio. The solution to not working out is being lazy and not trying hard enough to prepare for fights in order to win. His diet of a cheeseburger and fries isn’t helping him to beat his opponents any longer. Nelson will need to drop the ‘Fat Fighter’ gimmick, stop eating junk food, and start getting in shape in order to win his next upcoming bout before he gets cut by UFC management.

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American football is by far the most popular and most profitable sport in North America. The NFL is among the highest watched programs on television every week and the Super Bowl is the most watched television program all year. Aside from that, football players are pretty lazy. You need at least ten coaches to tell players what to do and at least fifteen assistant coaches to care of everything else. American Football takes on average about 3 hours to complete and has about twelve minutes of actual ball in play action. This means that 95% of the game consists of borefest of standing around, scratching and slapping butts, drinking Gatorade and chatting with your line mates on the sidelines about where to go and eat after the game. At least in the NFL, a lazy player can be cut and not owed anymore money if the player is a lazy, good for nothing, athlete. Let’s look at some lazy NFL players…


Mark Sanchez



—I’m so lazy that my team traded for Tim Tebow to replace me.—

-Mark Sanchez is an American football quarterback for the New York Jets. Despite a subpar performance, Sanchez led the Jets to the AFC Championship Game and became the fourth rookie quarterback in NFL history to win his first playoff game. The next two seasons would be a regression for Sanchez as his team failed to reach the playoffs. Fans and media critics called for a struggling Sanchez to be benched. He eventually was replaced towards the end of the 2012 season. One unidentified Jets player told the media that ‘We have to bring in another quarterback that will make him work at practice. … He’s lazy and content because he knows he’s not going to be benched.’ Many of those same sources called for the team to dump Sanchez and trade for star quarterback Peyton Manning. The columnist quoted another player as saying of the organization’s policy toward Sanchez that ‘They don’t want to be truthful with him. They treat him like a baby instead of a man. He goes in a hole when someone tells him the truth.’ Another teammate said Sanchez is ‘not improving at all.’ Also, Sanchez ’s 2012 season was a disaster that gave rise to the term ‘butt fumble’. Sanchez collided with the backside of his teammate Brandon Moore and fumbled the ball, which was recovered by the Patriots’ and returned for a touchdown. Within minutes, video of the butt fumble went viral on the Internet and it was widely mocked in the news media over the following week. Management had so much confidence in Sanchez at quarterback that they tried to bring in Tim Tebow as a replacement QB. Hopefully, Sanchez can regain his skills. But, after having arthroscopic surgery in the off season, this appears unlikely in the foreseeable future.

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Many sports fans think that the sport of baseball is nothing more than a bunch of lazy athletes who sit in a dugout all day long and spit sunflower seeds and chew bubblegum. When they do get on to the field, they stand in the hot sun until someone finally hits the ball in their direction for them to make the catch. It’s also the only sport to have a song that gives their fans instructions on how to stretch properly because the games take too damn long to finish on time. If the sport is boring, it’s hard to imagine how lazy the athletes who earn a living doing it all of the time can be described as anything but lazy. Let’s take a look at some lazy baseball players…


Manny Ramirez



—I’m just Manny being Manny.—

-When Manny steps into that batter’s box, it’s all business. There is no denying the guy can flat-out destroy a baseball. Ramirez is one of the top-three hitters in the game. It’s the rest of his game that leaves fans frustrated and annoyed with the outfielder. In one game, Ramirez missed a diving catch and was rolling over the ball, unable to find it.While playing with Cleveland, Manny would occasionally take himself out of games with ’sore calves’. Not exactly an injury that requires a player to leave the game. Again in Cleveland, Ramirez successfully stole second base and inexplicably started jogging back to first. He was tagged out and was too lazy to follow the play and thought that it was a foul ball. Once during a call to the bullpen, he climbed into the Green Monster to place his own phone call. He’s too lazy to use up precious minutes on his own cell phone. On another occasion, he climbed into the green monster to go to the bathroom. After the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, Ramirez skipped the team’s visit to the White House. He was too lazy to meet President Bush. Of course, who can forget when Manny failed a drug test because the women’s fertility hormone hCG (a common masking agent for steroids), was found in his system. The ultimate lazy player uses steroids and then tries to cover it up with a masking agent in order to not get suspended by MLB.

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